Are You Stuck in a Rut?

June 22, 2014 by

I generally find that when the same topic comes up over and over again in a short amount of time, in conversations with various people or in other ways, it is a sign that it is something that I should think about & focus on for a bit. I don’t claim to know how or why this phenomenon happens, but I do know that each time I experience it, I end up feeling that there is something that I should say, do, or think about that relates and changes things for myself or for others. And each time, it just feels “right” to me, and at this point in my life I have learned to trust my instincts.

This time, it relates to the topic of being stuck in a rut & I feel compelled to write about this. Randomly, I have had numerous conversations over the past few weeks with all different people who have expressed the same sense of feeling lost, out of control, and just plain stuck. I have thought about these conversations, and thought even more about why I don’t feel stuck in a rut. My first thought was that it relates to change and how people handle and experience changes in their lives. But that wasn’t the complete picture. Because I haven’t changed major things in my own life much at all. I’ve had the same job since 2000, and the same house since 2003. Thankfully my husband and kids have remained steadfastly solid.

Are you stuck in a rut?

The explanations are obviously as varied as the people themselves, but I think that there are things that we as humans can do to prevent and rectify the feelings of sameness, boredom, and rutty-ness that seem to pop up (and I’m hearing this across a variety of age groups, not just my middle-aged (gulp!) peers). The first one that comes to mind, and the reason I am writing this here, is travel. For me, at least, I think that travel is a huge factor in keeping those feelings at bay and of fostering a sense of excitement and joy in life. For others, it may involve a different kind of anticipation, like signing up to run a marathon or take a cooking class or one of those pole-dancing exercise classes that seem to be popular with 40 year old moms.

Since I have been involved in this hobby of creative budget family travel, I have noticed that my life feels ever changing and evolving (in a good way). There is always something on the horizon to look forward to. And somehow that makes living in the present moment more enjoyable as well. I also think that goal-setting, especially when the goal is fun and/or personally fulfilling, can lead to a sense of forward momentum as well. My goal of visiting all 50 states over the next 9.5 years has helped me to look toward the future with excitement and purpose. It’s a fun purpose, and that makes it all the more fulfilling. Of course, I have tons of other personal and professional goals as well, but having one that feels like purely enjoyable self-indulgence is key.

In studying human behavior, talking and listening to humans, and also after being a human for 40 years now, I have also noticed that those who take small chances and risks seem overall happier than those who are more anxious about change (and therefore don’t take the risk of feeling the anxiety associated with it). Of particular interest was the reaction from most people about 2 of our trips, above all others. One was our overnight Amtrak adventure. People were so intrigued by those trips because they are out of the comfort zones of most of the people we know. The most common reaction was “that sounds so crazy and amazing….I could never do that.” Or “don’t give my husband any ideas, he has always wanted to ride across country in a train, and God forbid your story would lead him to thinking that he could give it a try.” But here’s the thing….each time you break out of your comfort zone just a little bit, fun and spontaneity gets easier and easier. It no longer feels “crazy” to backpack through Europe for a whole summer (as we did in 2001) or to drive with 2 little kids on a 28 day road trip down the East Coast (2011) or to take your 5 children on an African safari (as one of my friends is doing as a write this….wait, maybe that is crazy). Each baby step can lead to a happier and more fulfilling life overall.

And it does not have to be travel related, although in my humble opinion there is nothing better. Just do something a little bit different than your normal day to day. Or start planning something that is new for you. Join something. Set a new goal. Spin around that pole. Try it….I dare you.